MEDICATE

What do you think you're doing?

Where do you want us going?
It has been a long, long day
The odds are headin' your way
How ever that long I stay
Those words you would never say . . .

So now what should I do?
I wish I was like you
Can't be unaffected
Your love was belated
So consumed of thinking
My survival's blinking . . .

We can't live by love alone
That is how u set your tone
Was that practicality?
From fickle mentality?
All the while eternity
Turned to mediocrity . . .

Becuz you've proven yourself
You disregarded my help
In threshing those needed doughs
It just added to my woes
You chose anonymity
To test my resiliency . . .

I was sent back 2 the grid
The order was 2 get rid
You held it and shut it down
You would never wear that gown
Uttered with finality
It caused my fatality . . .

How can you do this 2 me
When all you had is for me
How dare you tend 2 forget
Temptations i wouldn't let
You need to reconsider
Moments that were always there. . .

Hit badly at point-blank range
My value's far from your gauge
Supposed serendipity
Turned into calamity
Damn it, I'm so into you
Can't hold on my precious you . . .

When reason ends, faith begins
When ended, journey begins
I need to face tomorrow
To take away the sorrow
This life is worth moving on
In Jesus I would cling on . . .

I need a place where to dwell

Thoughts are keeping me unwell

I need you to medicate

Feelings you eradicate

There is nothing more to prove

You've witnessed my every move !

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FURTHER SEEMS FOREVER

Further seems forever 
When will this be over? 
Can't help myself 2 wonder 
Why I'm still down under. . . 


I know I'm pathetic 
It's becuz you're prophetic 
I thought we could be an epic 
Now, love's no longer a topic. . . 


The imbalance is prevalent 
I must double my equivalent 
All the times that we've spent 
Please tell me what it meant. . . 


You wanted me 2 be strong 
You sent your farewell song 
Can all of this just be wrong 
What's keepin you that long. . . 


Your actions were confusing 
The spunk is really missing 
Where are they all leading 
It just keeps me guessing. . . 


Because of your notions 
I'm weighing my options 
When will this be over? 
Your further seems forever !! 


(copyright January 2004)

DEMORALIZED

This scenario is pretty tough 
I'm treated really rough 
All tha aggravation I gotta cough 
Made my critics truly laugh . . . 


A lot of 'em I can't possess 
Even if I've gone distress 
So futile is my progress 
I'm left with all these mess . . .


What's wrong with my mindset 
Their support I cannot get 
Some of 'em I just can't let 
Who are you I'm not your pet . . . 


Maybe I gotta humble down 
To eradicate my tumble down 
All throughout that I was down 
All you did was let me down . . . 


You owe me a breath of fresh air 
Bcuz that was just not fair 
If tha baton was from our heir 
Someone take me out of this lair . . . 


What seems to be tha problem? 
What's written in that emblem? 
Did I act like a golem? 
Or crashed down like a salem . . . 


Now you lost your hope on me 
Can't find tha reason for me 
You decided 2 get rid of me 
That thing you took away from me . . . 


C'mon smile on me lady luck 
Look at me - these really suck 
Still strugglin' 2 provide those buck 
It seemed you don't give a fuck !! 


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COMPOSURE

Drawn by illusion 
Lost in confusion 
Choked by irritation 
My soothing retribution . . . 


These were synonymous 
Sent by anonymous 
The effects are venomous 
That's why I'm infamous . . . 


Set the records straight 
For so long I wait 
For that needed break 
I'm dropped from the slate . . . 


The situation is critical 
More than just radical 
It can't be lyrical 
You were all cynical . . . 


Can't blend with tha rest 
Even if I passed tha test 
I don't have the chest 
To showcase thy zest . . . 


Everyday a little wary 
The burden so hard 2 carry 
The pressure 2 deliver 
I need a reliever . . . 


So scared of failing 
Gut-wrenched wailing 
Never a smooth sailing 
Where's my bailing . . . 


Who do I turn to? 
What will I do? 
Pull that damn pin 
This is 4 my kin !! 


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BEAUTY OF DOUBT

Why is it like this?
I'm the one who's always pissed 
I'm the one who's more affected 
It just brings me more hatred . . . 


I can't take this anymore 
I don't want 2 think further more 
I can't take this any longer 
How i wish i was that stronger . . . 


I felt the agony of torment 
Every detail and every moment 
Those never ending dagger 
They took away my swagger . . . 


I made you the center of my life 
You even agreed to be my wife 
My existence depends on you 
There was no one aside from you . . . 


But how can you stand a day without me 
How can you hold back your feelings 4 me 
Damn, why am I the opposite 
Devastated in the corner i sit . . . 


Will anybody point that finger on me 
Yeah that good 4 nothing me 
I hate myself I wanna die 
Tell me everything, please don't lie . . . 


You stripped me off your love's assurance 
I can't even air you my grievance 
I'm always at the losing end 
My heart you don't want 2 mend!


(copyright Feb '04)

QUE SERA SERA

What's good 'bout love 
When all u said seems dubbed 
All these pains i have 2 endure 
A big burden 4 sure . . . 


How long would it take 2 subside 
Ill feelings I cannot hide 
You made me look stupid 
Shame on you angel cupid . . . 


For so long I was an expectant 
Everything's gone in an instant 
Where's tha love i use 2 know 
It's completely covered with snow . . . 


You are so good in pretending 
Able 2 lead my heart in meddling
I thought it was you all tha way 
But suddenly you've gone astray . . . 


Countless times I received huge blows 
Courtesy of your unmasked flaws 
Yeah right you even helped me recuperate 
But somehow somewhere they regenerate . . . 


Maybe Jesus wanted me 2 realize 
That is why He jeopardize 
'Cause He must be the center of my life 
And you're not deserving 2 be my wife . . . 


I really hate 2 do this thing 
But I'm dethroning you as my queen 
I have enough of these 
And now I'm really pissed . . . 


Though you're the closest 2 heaven I've ever been 
Still, sometimes it's hell within 
As the old cliche goes 
Never believe in what u read in the papers 
In those papers, inscribed were your letters . . . 


Heart-whelming contents i can turn 2 before 
But now they've all been washed ashore 
I have 2 move on with my life 
Just hoping it would not end in strife . . . 


Cause no one else comes close 2 you that's true 
Yet you always make my heart blue 
I just can't stop loving you 
But maybe in time, I can find that other you !! 


( copyright September 2001 )

ALTER EGO

All along I thought this is right 

Our future seems shining bright 

Whenever i want 2 see some light 

I just kept holding you tight 

Honestly we can never avoid 2 fight 

Especially when some one's out of sight . . . 

We both have oodles of mistakes 

But mine you can no longer take 

Then you started to fake 

Tried not thinking of my sake 

You wanted 2 ditch me in a lake 

So deep that no one can able 2 rake . . . 

We also have a handful of woes 

They even turned us into foes 

The situation consistently grows 

No matter what direction it goes 

As hard hitting as the wind blows 

Numbness, can't even move my toes . . . 

You became turned-off of my situation 

Because of this never ending aggravation 

It led to your love's saturation 

And your feeling's evaporation 

You even let go of some notions 

Smoothly, what effortless motions 

Still I ought 2 regain what's mine 

I tried 2 walk off tha thin line 

Hoping that soon the sun would shine 

Desperate, i looked like a mime 

You're all I need 4 me 2 feel fine 

Well I guess I ran out of time . . . 

Frankly all my dreams 4 us shattered 

My heart's been bruised and battered

I don't know how 2 stop this hatred 

Who am I? I'm not even close 2 sacred 

I know I can easily be forgotten 

Because I'm only good 4 nothing . . . 

I know our relationship is over 

We can never be together 

Even if I'll still wait forever 

I wont ever be your lover 

I'll always be this sober 

Because I'm just a whining loser . . . 

This pain is so subliminal 

I felt like a criminal 

The solution is very minimal 

I'm treated like an animal 

Reality bites - that's true 

I'm feeling more than blue . . . 

Now I have 2 move on with my life 

Even without my supposed 2 be wife 

I wish you happiness 

And a little more of Godliness 

After all I'm just your alter ego 

So I really have 2 let you go . . . 

That's all that i can bargain 

Because your love I can never have again 

That's all that I can ever be 

Because we can never be!

(copyright September 2001)

SELF ESTEEM

Yeah this love is wonderful 
Our relationship is very special 
We had our good times 
And of course the dark ones too . . . 


There's no denying tha good times were awesome
Just a thought of it would bring a smile 
Its memories will forever be cherished 
Can't say 'nuff 'bout it . . . 


But i think i have a problem 
Some thoughts have been bugging my mind 
For quite some time already 
It's been creeping slowly all over me . . . 


It's starting 2 affect my consciousness 
And i really can't take it anymore 
I don't know how long is my patience 4 this 
But you see it has 2 end . . . 


I understand every relationship has its own flaws 
Its own unique differences, like we do 
Although it's just normal 2 have some feuds 
Its effect is 2 much 4 me 2 bear . . . 


With every pain i felt, every humiliation i received 
With every rejection i took, every tear i shed 
It brought me more and more bitterness 
And that very same thing may cause me 2 think otherwise . . . 


Becuz when it's almost always happening 
Don't u think raising my white flag is a far fetched idea? 
Although I'm so fascinated with this love 
In times of crisis, every bad word u utter and every action u take 
Serves as a nail in the coffin i mean, it can take its toll on you . . . 


The way you treat me is unacceptable 
Even though I've done wrong 
I still don't deserve to be treated as stupid as you want to 
Please remember that every thing has its limitations
And not at all times you're gonna be tolerated . . . 


I love you very much - no doubt 'bout it 
But it does not necessarily mean that you have all the rights 
To be an ego-eater and a heart-trampler 
Let's give each other our well-deserved respects, can we? 
And finally I just hope you wont be some girl 
Who'll bid goodbye after rippin' my guts out! 


copyright Feb 2000

BRINK

when i first saw you
 i knew i just ignored you 
they all tried 2 get a glimpse of you 
so i tried 2 nevermind you . . . 


days and weeks had passed 
i thought it would last
 'til one day u've caught my attention 
i had this feeling that's so hard 2 mention . . . 


now, i can't resist myself 2 stare at you 
my days are numb without a glimpse of you 
my fave moment is when we're seeing eye 2 eye 
maybe tryin 2 figure out what's between you and i . . . 


i tried really hard 2 be patient 
cuz i'm quite enjoying this moment 
i know tha opportunity will come 
but am i ready 2 get it done . . . 


you know i really like to 
but i doubt if ican do 
i can't figure out myself 
so i assume i need your help 
maybe my mind is inconsistent 
but my heart is really persistent !! 


(copyright April 1999)