TOP 10 THINGS TO WIN THE BATTLE WITH CHINA

10. Stay away from everything with Chinese lineage: hopia, siomai, noodles, peking duck, etc. Try to settle for products by other friendly nations.

9. Send the informal settlers, the hardcore-in your face-professional ones, in the disputed land. Let them do their thing in the islands, like they did in ransacking the metropolis. We can ask the mayors for their recommended list!

8. Smart Gilas, our national basketball team should exert an effort to naturalize Mr. Yao Ming. In that case, we can use him to build some animosity among their people. The Chinese media hated his injuries anyway!

7. Make Senator Manny Villar as our special envoy to China and let him lecture their government the proper way of "land grabbing". He can bring his SALN!

6. Being the lone Catholic country in Asia, we can make an appeal to the Vatican for Pope Benedict XVI's support. Make sure all those Chinese would suffer in the "purgatory" if they continue bullying us. Make a prayer rally!

5. We can tap all the insurgents here namely: CPP-NPA, MILF, MNLF, ASG and other organized crime syndicates to be in this war's  front line. If they all demise, somehow peace can be around the corner. Throw the motorcycle riding-in-tandem assassins as well!

4. Appeal to to the United Nations to boycott all products that are made in China so their export industry will plummet and they won't be able to fund an armed conflict. All of them are defective anyway!

3. Convince our greatest ally, the United States of America represented by Pres. Barrack Obama that China has weapons of mass destruction so they will declare a "War on Terror" on them. This will interest the hell out of Uncle Sam!

2. Make a deal to pit Manny Pacquiao against Jet Li in a "boxing" match and whoever wins can lay claim to the disputed land. Ask Bob Arum to be the promoter!

1. Challenge them to a "Dragon Boat" race and whoever comes first to "Panatag Shoal" automatically wins. Nautical miles from respective shores to be taken in consideration! Sponsored by Cobra Energy Drink!